ill grill

Lucky one

Sat, 07 Jul 2012 02:56:23 -0400

I must have been beat as a child

Where else could I have learned
To escape my flesh
When you touch me

It all burns
Because they’ve touched and
Your eyes they’ve gazed

With stealth
At others

And there’s nothing I can do
But leave for a little while

for the one I lovethat I have right hereI don’t want to...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 04:41:00 -0400

for the one I love
that I have right here

I don’t want to leave anymore
What I have is right here
Spend my nights and days before
Searching the world for what’s right here

Underneath and unexplored
Islands and cities I have looked
Here I saw something I couldn’t overlook

See what I’ve done
That bridge is on fire
Going back to where I’ve been
I’m frozen by desire
No need to leave

Where would I be
If this were to go under
That’s a risk I’d take
I’m froze by desire
As if a choice I’d make

I am yours now
So now I don’t ever have to leave
I’ve been found out
So now I’ll never explore

So now I’ll never explore

— Islands, The xx

"We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are..."

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 23:41:00 -0400

“We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies—all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.”

- Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

before I forget

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 00:43:00 -0400

We started off slow, a dance unclothed
We cared for not a second past or for a second before
You broke yourself into my bathroom and wrapped yourself around me
While I sat naked in the tub, tripping under ice pick waters

Or was I curled over the toilet?
Regurgitating wasted love from the pits of my stomach
You saved me with a blue dream that night

We drank cheap wine and smoked good weed
Glasses clunk in content
Lungs heaving pleasure sighs

Remember that one night I screamed
out of damaged pride and a scorned tongue
Into the telephone and into your blameless ears with a voice
So cold that it froze winter mid season

I told you I’m not afraid to leave you

We walked from the East River to the west that one night, remember
Stumbling happily and drunken with ecstasy
But then you felt terrible
So I hailed a cab but he stared with suspicion
From his foggy rear view mirror at
Glazed pupils and perspiring skin

I panicked and we jumped out
Ran for our lives the rest of the way home

We sat at our corner booth and it was there I saw it first
Beads of anxious sweat jumping off the cliffs of your forehead
Your heart palpitating in fear
You motioned for a beer and I silently held your hand

The same hand I’d squeeze when we’d walk the village
You’d fall asleep in my bed, waiting for tired eyes to call it a night
But I never came

The day after I left you
You told me I’d be great
Thank you

Enough, now

Insatiable

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 00:56:00 -0400

Still, something in me was left unsatisfied. I had an insatiable longing to take back what’s always belonged to me. An urgent desire to take what is mine and proclaim it to our world— daring anyone to step up and challenge me. I was greedy. Selfish. I belonged to you. And I wanted to make anyone who had even the slightest chance of coming close to you to suffer.

So I did what pleased me to fulfill my craving— I hunted her. I don’t remember all too well what happened. My adrenaline levels were far too heightened and out of my control. A series of blurs and splashes of color is the most that I can recall. But in the end all that’s left is her blood, dark blue and crying out your name onto the pavement.

nevver: I am not in danger, I am the danger. fuck yes.

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 16:43:39 -0400

nevver:

I am not in danger, I am the danger.

fuck yes.

An aftertaste

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 13:04:00 -0400

I thought I woke from a dream

But the taste of
sour milk lingers in my mouth
gets lost and
won’t find it’s way out

I haven’t kissed you
but I could smell her
stench from Venetian hotel sheets
wrapped tightly around my neck

So I grab her by her throat
My fingers hugging every vein along her neck
Where she kept your kisses left behind
safe and locked away

Dig greedy fingernails
into her stomach and
claw away trail marks once left
on her flesh by your mouth

And feed her to the wolves

You don’t save a person for the future while you have one in the present.

Fri, 18 May 2012 11:39:12 -0400

You don’t save a person for the future while you have one in the present.

Photo

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:54:41 -0400

nevver: Act Accordingly

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:52:21 -0400

nevver:

Act Accordingly

Walking around after a mani/pedi

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 01:41:14 -0400

whatshouldwecallme:

"‘I was in my house, alone in the living room, anxious about you, watching the flashes of lightning...."

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:04:47 -0400

“‘I was in my house, alone in the living room, anxious about you, watching the flashes of lightning. And a flash of lightning lit up this truth for me, right in front of my eye. That night I lost you, I lost something inside me. Or perhaps several things. Something central to my existence, the very support for who I am as a person.’”

- Haruki Murakami, 1Q84 (via quickquirk)

things get better they always do

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 11:30:31 -0400

things get better
they always do

midnight masochism

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 00:14:30 -0400

they tell us
with pain
comes knowledge
and knowledge
is power

so now i’m always watching
for the grand finale fuck up
for the next line to cross
or snort
or to run over in a screech

i’d keep digging myself in
the deepest hell
where lessons are born
and wait
to be learned

not for enlightenment
or for wisdom
or adventures to embark on
but simply,
power

194

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 20:00:52 -0400

crimethinker:

The body is

A temple for some

And a/ playground for others.

They'd say

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 00:34:00 -0400

Pretty but psychotic
Proud but insecure
Put together but
falling apart

Smart, conniving
But unintelligent

Wise, experienced
Juvenile and damaged

Exhilarating
but suicidal

Talented but
surely incapable

Through the skin, first cut’s the deepestYou made your...

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 20:19:06 -0400

Through the skin, first cut’s the deepest
You made your mark and pulled away
With every move, and all your features
I let you seep inside my veins

But nothing goes the way you planned
It constantly is changed
We built walls, but down they came
I can’t take the blame

I still find myself here waiting

Oh, we’re always swimming against the waves
So if you ever see my baby walking in the snow
Do her eyes still light and glow?

I still find myself here waiting

nevver: Her smoke rose up forever

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 17:28:16 -0400

nevver:

Her smoke rose up forever

It’s a new dayand I’ve got new waysof turning into...

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 17:02:00 -0400

It’s a new day
and I’ve got new ways
of turning into stone

Mister Hyde
I’m bringing you to life
and rolling back my eyes

Unconscious mind
Take me for a ride
Destroy the man inside
I should belong

It’s just a line that’s splitting me apart

Thirsty

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 00:52:34 -0400

I breathe you in
and I can taste the blood
in your mouth drawn from
the teeth of others

With porcelain painted
faces and faultless
lips clinging fast to every
word you’ve ever said

And all over it spreads
like the post nasal drip
falling along the walls
of inside my throat

A thirst to crush and
tear apart their bodies
Sinking brittle claws
Into every face

Until they shatter deep
Cutting into every unspoiled
unblemished vein
and artery

of anyone
who had tried
to share a story
with you